


The One Where Robert declares his love for Ned

by thestagandthewolf



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Drunk Robert, Gen, Humor, Pre-A Game of Thrones, Robert and Ned are truly brothers, Robert enjoys bugging Ned, annoyed ned, basically Robert is a potty-mouth, boredom creates a game for Robert, has some explicit language, mention of Robert/Lyanna - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 17:46:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7517506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestagandthewolf/pseuds/thestagandthewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After devoting himself to Lyanna, and therefore giving up sex, Robert has to find other ways to amuse himself each day. More often than not, this means annoying Ned with any means necessary. Tonight, it means pretending they are secret lovers, much to Ned's dismay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where Robert declares his love for Ned

After a few drinks in, Robert always got a bit annoying. Not that he would ever call himself that, of course, but Ned sure would. This was because one of Robert’s favourite pastimes was bugging Ned by any means necessary. This wasn’t out of enmity, quite the contrary actually, Robert loved Ned like a brother, and brothers bugged one another. Plus, after years of growing up together, sharing a room, having lessons together, learning to fight beside each other, Robert had found all of the very best ways to piss off Eddard Stark. 

One of his favourite ways was to talk about Lyanna as if she was just a girl he was chasing and not his best friend’s little sister. Robert had a whole vocabulary of suggestive things to say about Lyanna that would have got him murdered had he been saying them to any other girl’s brother. Of course, once or twice he had taken it a bit too far and Ned had tried to beat him up for it, but Ned was smaller and Robert was stronger. The whole thing always ended with Robert pinning Ned to the ground and laughing out an apology. Unfortunately, this particular form of torture only worked sometimes because if he did it too often Ned would build up a resistance and learn to ignore it all. 

This lead to Robert’s newest discovery. Ned always seemed to get flustered and annoyed when Robert would joke about them being secret lovers. This knowledge came to him one evening when Robert had drunken way too much and was having trouble conducting himself in a normal manner. See, Robert tended to get a bit overly-loving when he was drunk. Usually this lead to him finding his way to a brothel, or waking up with a woman or two in his bed, but one night it almost got him into trouble. In his wine-fogged mind, Robert had set his eyes upon the barmaid in the inn he and Ned were staying at. The only problem with this was that the barmaid had a husband who was no keen on sharing his wife. In order to prevent Robert from getting himself killed, Ned had to half carry him back up to their room and away from the barmaid. Robert thought this was the ideal moment to make a joke in order to try and get what he really wanted. Sadly, it didn’t work.

“Oh Ned, I know you want me all to yourself, but we can let the nice woman join us, can’t we?” Robert’s eyes were barely open, but he could basically hear the blush creeping onto Ned’s cheeks.

“No that’s not- I don’t want…. We aren’t going to- You are going to bed alone, Robert,” His flustered words were the perfect excuse for Robert to continue.

“No need to derive… er deny it Stark, everyone here knows your going to take-“ Ned had ‘accidentally’ tripped Robert at this point, successfully cutting off his sentence but lead to the new task of trying to pick a hysterically laughing grown man off the floor.

Once Ned had gotten him back to their room, Robert passed out the minute his head hit the pillow. The next day he didn’t remember much, but he did remember that conversation and he used that to bug Ned from that day forward. 

That evening, Robert had a lot less to drink but he was still three or four classes of wine in and he was exceedingly bored. Normally he would be trying to seduce one of the women in the inn and the rest of the night would go by in a haze of pleasure, but he couldn’t do that anymore. Now Robert Baratheon was betrothed to the beauty that was Lyanna Stark and he had promised her that he would stay faithful to her and only her. This meant that his days of seducing women into his chambers was over. They had been gone from Winterfell barely a week and already the whole arrangement was proving to be a challenge for Robert. In an effort to amuse and distract himself, Robert decided the crowded inn was the perfect place to embarrass and aggravate Ned.

The first task was pretending to be much more drunk than he currently was, but this wasn’t too much of a challenge. He downed his entire goblet of wine in one go and then refilled his cup, slinging an arm around Ned’s shoulders in a comradely manner. 

“You know Ned, I love you man. Like, you just always look out for me. Make sure I keep promises and don’t get myself killed. What did I ever do to deserve you?” To add to his charade, Robert spilled some of his wine as he took another drink, “You know, I have been thinking, you have been working so hard to make sure I keep my promise to your sister and don’t fuck any other women so that she will marry me, but, and I know what your going to say,” He held up a finger as if to shush his silent friend, “But I’ve decided I don’t want to marry your sister anymore,”

As expected, Ned spoke up before Robert could go on, “You have to be mad if you think I am going to take that excuse and let you defile more women, and then pretend it never happened so the betrothal can continue,”

“No, let me finish Ned, I don’t want to marry her because I love you,” 

Ned’s reaction was not what Robert was hoping for. He didn’t get flustered or turn red. He didn’t get annoyed or try to defend himself. He merely rolled his eyes and said, “I think its time to cut you off,”

“No, Ned, don’t, just listen. I think we should run away together. Be secret lovers on the run. Our families won’t like it but we can go live north of the wall, they don’t have gods to stop them from carnal activities up there. I only pretended to love Lyanna to get closer to you!” By this point Robert was having trouble keeping a straight face, but even though Ned knew it was all just a joke it didn’t stop his ears from turning pink. In a last effort to truly embarrass his best friend, Robert shakily stood up on the bench so that eyes flew to him, “I am in love with Edd-“ He wasn’t able to get the rest of his words out because the bench he was standing on mysteriously flipped, sending Robert sprawling onto the floor to the unified laughter of nearly everyone in the room.


End file.
